Saturday, June 13, 2020

Insecure-Anxious Attachment

This attachment style is also called Anxious-Resistant and Preoccupied. While this is s stable way of relating to others, it can also be very painful. The following paragraphs describe what it is like to have this attachment style.

I prefer to be in the presence of my attachment figure(s). My need for the physical presence and/or words of connection from my attachment figure is fairly constant.  In the absence of this connection, I worry about whether they are forgetting about me, betraying me, and/or coming to harm from some outside source.

Even when I am physically with my attachment figure and they seem emotionally present and supportive, I cannot fully relax because I’m alert to the possibility I might lose them through death, rejection, or betrayal. If I sense any change in my attachment figure’s mood, it is easy for me to attribute that mood change to how they feel about me. This may lead me to ask (direct or indirect) questions asking questions as to whether they really care, whether they are cheating, whether they are in any risk of harm, etc. I’m also vulnerable to wanting to look at their phone, track them on their phone, talk to exes, and confirm with third parties about their whereabouts and activities.

When I feel abandoned, rejected and betrayed by an attachment figure, I am vulnerable to addictive behaviors (i.e. drugs, alcohol, sex, gambling, overeating, self-injury). Sometimes I perceive abandonments, rejections, or betrayals when my attachment figure has not left the relationship and did not intend to communicate rejection or to betray me.

My need to keep a constant eye on the emotionally accessibility and safety of my attachment figure can inhibit me from enjoying other things in my life and learning about things that interest me outside of what’s impacting my relationships.